So recently I started stepping out of my box and forcing myself to be social. I think at this point in my life it is time to get out in the community and find a way to give back. A few weeks ago I volunteered for flood clean up for the gay bar which is a big sponsor for pride. I felt so alive just going and helping with the clean up because it got me out of myself. I was doing something for someone and that made me feel so awesome.
I also joined a local bear group in hopes of making new friends and be a part of the community I identify being a part of. Two weeks ago I hosted a gathering for the group in my home. I spent the entire week getting things ready for having the group in my home. I am usually a shy and very quiet person and my husband is the one that can go business to business and speak to complete strangers about anything. When it came for the day of the party those roles were reversed. I was like a social butterfly, making sure i got to know each of my guests. My husband was the one that was quiet and reserved until he got to know our guests a little.
Then on Memorial Day weekend I went on a trip to bear camp. This was a male only clothing optional campground. Hubby had to work so I went with friends. The first day was so awesome. I spent time in pool and a lot of time in the hot tub, sipping on daquiris and getting to know a whole new group of people. I got woke up early morning on the second day with news nobody wants to hear. My mom had passed away in her sleep. Here I was at camp, a 2 1/2 hr drive from home and it is 3am.
Everybody told me I should stay as it was a holiday weekend and nothing was going to happen until after the weekend. I made the decision to stay and try to enjoy the time camping. I thought I could do it but in the end I could not be that far away at such a time of loss. I came home early and spent the entire day cuddled with my husband and talking with family.
Now things are starting to settle down and I need to make myself get back into a routine. The loss of my mother stuck me harder than I expected and I am finding it hard to get back into the routine but I know I can do it. She is now watching over me and I know she would be proud because I am doing something I enjoy and I am working hard at it.
No matter what life throws at you, just remember you can do anything if you are determined enough. At times of sadness, lean on those around you. Family and friends will be there for you and help you get through anything. If you do not have anybody to talk to and need someone, let me know. I have two good ears and two shoulders. Talk to someone, you are not alone in anything you do. Live, dream, love, and laugh. Just remember to keep it kinky!